The Bike Wife 1.0: Ready to pull my $&#*@% hair out!!!!!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Ready to pull my $&#*@% hair out!!!!!

YES! My fingerprint report returned from the FBI. FINALLY! This means I can send my packet to NZ, and wipe my mind clear until they respond.

WRONG.

Its my own damn fault. I somehow forgot (?) to get notarized copies of my passport and nursing license. Scream. Ok. Went to UPS. Did that.

What??? They want a copy of the number of hours I've worked in the last 36 months on Enloe letterhead? When did this become an effing requirement. Shit. Call to Ashley to vent. Call to HR. They'll have it done by the end of the day. (Gayle in HR, you deserve one of those silly compliment cards).

Ok, done. Because I'm tired, frustrated, and just want it done, I'm going to meticulously list the crap I've collected for these people so that I can relocate my ass, help their nursing shortage, and caring tend to their sick & wounded:

3 page application with notary certifying my honesty ($10)
Certified copy of my passport ($10)
Certified copy of my nursing license ($10)
Actual copy of my marriage license ($32)
Copy of my IELTS (English test) results ($200)
Copy of my police record (finger prints $11, FBI charge $36)
My Curriculum Vitae
2 professional references
1 personal reference
Letter verifying the number of hours I've worked in the last 3 years

I've painstakingly filled out all forms, carefully so there are no mistakes. No white-out. No smudges.

Wait for it. Are you friggin serious??? NOWHERE on the ENTIRE NZ nursing council website is their freaking ADDRESS. Where do you send all your shit? No wonder I dont know anyone else who has done this- it makes you certifiably mad. No, I don't need a friggin notary to certify my insanity right now.

So I've got frantic emails out to the council and my recruiting company. Please email me back today. PLEASE.

In other news, we went to Hawaii, it was awesomely awesome, and Spring Thaw (re: my first race ever last year) is next weekend. More on that when I can see straight.

1 comment:

LoriMay 14, 2012 at 6:15 PM
i'm 99% sure that it's the universe way of letting you know that NZ is NOT the way to go and HI is :) Someone who loves you very much lives there! (just picture that on a cheesy teeshirt)
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Bike Babble

Here's a list of terms to help decipher what the #@&*! I'm blogging about:

Berm - a turn in a trail, usually built up with hard packed dirt, or sometimes wood/rock. A berm's purpose is to allow/withstand the weight of a rider making an aggressive turn.

Chamois - the padded spandex shorts worn under loose mountain bike shorts, and never, ever on its own. Also, should never be worn a minute longer than absolutely necessary. Like a condom.

Clapped Out - and old, well used bike. It may have been nice at one time, but is now a POS.

Clipless - bicycle pedals that clip in to one's bike shoes, thus making the human and the bike into one cohesive unit.

DH - downhill; as in DH bike (more travel), or DH trail. Downhill mountain biking is gravity assisted decent down a mountain, usually with technical features like jumps, drops, and rocky sections. DH races are very technical, usually no climbing, and are only a few minutes in length.

Enduro - A multi-staged race that includes both climbing and descending, and can also include being shuttled to the top of a trail or mountain. Timed stages are usually downhill, un-timed stages uphill.

Fire Road - a large, wide open trail, usually the width of a 4-wheeler or truck, typically smoother dirt or gravel. Preferred by roadies who are trying to mountain bike.

Fork - the front end of the bike, below the handle bars. The fork compresses (see "travel") anywhere from 2-8 inches on a mountain bike , depending on the type, to allow for more aggressive riding.

Free Riding - a broader range of mountain bikers; generally used to describe individuals who build their own trails, use natural features as stunts, are creative in trail/jump building. Will hike-a-bike for good DH trail riding, will put blood, sweat, and tears into good trail building.

Full Suspension - front and rear suspension on a mountain bike: the fork in front, and a rear shock in back. Contrasts with a hard tail (a mountain bike with suspension only in the front) or a road bike or cruiser (no suspension at all).

Gap - the distance between the take off and landing of a jump or drop, ie: the spot where you and your bike are in the air.

Hucking - to commit to a very large jump, drop, or gap, usually a very large stunt.

Loamy - soft, highly organic dirt. Desirable. Not rocky. Think Oregon and Washington conditions.

MTB - Mountain Biking

North Rim - A local Chico trail that is extremely rough and rocky. Quite steep in some places, less in others, but a steady climb for several miles. There are barely any trees, and it is the bane of my existence.

Shred - to ride vigorously, synonymous with "ripping" and "killing it".

Shuttle - the means of getting up to the top of a mountain/hill where a downhill trail starts. Usually in the form of a truck, or "shuttle truck".

Single Track - a narrow trail that is approximately the width of the bike. It is frequently smooth and flowing, but it may also exhibit technical rocky sections and may be criss-crossed with tree roots. Considered the best type of trail on which to ride mountain bikes.

Super D - a long downhill race with some climbing. Not nearly as much climbing as in XC, or as long of a race. Usually Super D has more technical downhill features, and lasts 20-30 minutes.

Travel - the amount that the fork is able to compress, thus, the larger amounts of force the bike can withstand.

XC - Cross Country, as in XC bike (less travel) or XC trail (uphill & downhill). XC racing is up and down hills, and courses are typically several miles long, and can take 2-4 hours to complete.